Its raining again here. I woke up at midnight missing you.The window was open beside the bed, I let the wet moist air to hit me, to keep me awake, to remind me of your absence more. I let them make my eyes moist. Sometimes it feels good to be sad intentionally. At least the feeling is true, far from the artificial smile and happiness I receive from materialistic tangible pleasures.
Do you still remember when we ran under the portico of a roadside building when it suddenly started to rain? For the first time we were together and the area was in complete darkness. The slanted rain still hit us and we were shivering. Standing close to me, I remember, you were watching my eyes sometimes.
I remember, may be you don't, I used to walk in rain, without caring, just to reach you on time.I still do, just this time, too hide my tears. Yes, I know Mr Chaplin said this, but didn't he say it wonderfully?
Or my incessant poems and songs, you never were tired of those. Some self-made some from poets de la creme. Your watching me, saying, you will catch cold, you never care about your health....when I coughed just now I realised nobody says those anymore.Or may be there is still your memories, who whisper. I still smile like I used to do those days, ye jaan bhi agar nazar karoon to kam hai (even if I gift this life, its nothing.)
It was raining the evening when I said, I love you.
It was the rain who witnessed your acceptance.
It was again raining when you took my permission to leave for the last time. That day, it rained hardest. Or was it the sky crying ?
Aise hi rimjhim aisi fuhaarein aisi hi thi barsaat
khudse juda aur jag se paraye hum dono the saath
fir se wo saawan ab kyun na aaye
(same was the drizzle same was the rain same was the weather
away from the worlds and far from ourselves, we were together
why it doesnt now rain the same again )
I still wait, like I used to wait when it used to rain and you used to be late. I had the belief you would come. I still have the belief. Just this time I know my belief is wrong.
humko malum hai Jannat ki haqeeqat lekin
dil ko khush rakhne ko Ghalib khayal achcha hai
(I know the realities of heaven,but
so stay happy, O Ghalib, its best to pretend)
I hope its raining there too and the rain will write this message on your doorstep but till you read them, new rains will wash those away.